As the clocks go back here in the UK, I am reminded (mainly by the amount of Christmas stock already in the shops) that another year is coming to an end. Another year older, and another year of marriage.
I couldn’t wait to be married to Mr ChicFantastique, and five years later it’s been the most emotional roller-coaster ride you could ever get on without any height restrictions.
Making decisions and plans all of a sudden must be a joint situation. There doesn’t seem to be any room for going off on your own with decision-making, including what will be for dinner. Those decisions be it taking out a major loan, buying a house, or as minor as what time to set an alarm for – marriage becomes all about consultation, planning, discussion, an argument, then a resolution.
I look at four couples – the first is us, known as Mr and Mrs ChicFantastique.
Marriage for us means communicating about our day, what we want to happen tomorrow, and how we keep our household together. But it’s fun and alive with laughter and an interest in things together as well as separate. I’m not embarrassed to tell you that Mr ChicFantastique recently UNFOLLOWED me on Twitter because it was just too much fashion talk for him. We talk a lot about everything, especially where in the world we would like to live and what cars we would have in our garage if we won the lottery. Our wedding was wonderful, with eyes on me in particular as an event designer. Everything is so much better when blessed with fabulous weather and ever-flowing cocktails. I still smile thinking of our wonderful day – but most importantly I look at Mr CF and our new Mini M and I feel smug with happiness.
Halloween is celebrated by our friends C & S because that is the time of year that they were married two years ago. They are best friends and marriage for them has been about support and understanding during a time of illness – where doctors have been baffled with causes and treatments. Just when there doesn’t seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel, it’s having a strong marriage that bonded them both – they are each other’s best friend. As Halloween approaches I look through my online photo album of their spooky themed wedding where C wore black and cheeky black Doc Martins. Love it.
The most recent friends to be married are Little Mr and Little Mrs C & B – one month ago. They are loving the ‘Mr and Mrs’ tag. It’s been about legally changing names, spending time together without talking about wedding plans, and finally having money to themselves that doesn’t have to be spent on cars, flowers, dresses or venue. It was a fairytale style wedding set in Somerset with everything thought about in minute detail. The new Mrs B wouldn’t have it any other way, and it was all just so lovely. Marriage is a piece of paper, but it’s a stronger commitment to making sure that each other are safe and happy.
Marriage is just not something being considered at the moment for my final couple. They have joined London’s property ladder, and for the moment this is enough commitment – it’s financial, it’s trust, it’s communication…so it’s marriage without a wedding. It would be lovely to have another wedding to plan for – I’ll need a new hat or head-piece. Perhaps over brunch I’ll drop a few hints.
Choosing marriage, a house or even a new puppy takes communication, persistence, strength – in fact a whole host of adjectives that will come back to meaning the one thing…commitment.
Brought together through a love of books, films, classic cars…there is something in common, or we grow with each other to have common loves. For some it is the love of their children that keep their marriage happy and strong.
Within our circle of friends we have chosen to spend our lives with our best friends. That is the only advice that I hope you take away with you from this little piece.